Gosh Darn.
Relatives. You gotta hate ‘em. Or do you?
I’m not so sure anymore. I used to be.
I’ve been meaning to blog in a while, and well I haven’t been feeling very motivated in the last two months. However, reading about Aasia’s recent loss brought it all back to me. I recently lost a close uncle. When I say close, I mean my mom’s youngest brother. The sad thing is, I can’t remember when the last time was that I saw him alive.
And the reason is that I had been in a self-imposed exile when it came to family, as a result of feuds and bitterness within the family circle. I had resolved to take the higher moral ground, and not interact with the relatives in question, but this by extension caused that I did not see my close relatives often. And this was fine by me.
Until my uncle passed away suddenly and with much emotional trauma. I was suddenly thrust into the forefront of dealing with family disasters, and often had to address gatherings of my extended family, and all looking at me for guidance. Suddenly selective interaction became extremely difficult.
And when it came to preparing my uncles body for burial, that’s when it struck home. A few of us were assisted by gentleman whom Aasia refers to as a Toekamanie (Malaysian terminology for a person who bathes bodies in preparation for burial). Between those few men in that closed room a unspoken bond occurs sharing this experience. Whatever occurs in that room, you don’t speak about to anyone else. It remains a secret which you take to the grave.
Here is the part that shook it all up for me. One of the guys in that room, was the very person that I had been avoiding for the past few years. And I just thought….to hell with it. You can’t hate a guy who has bathed a body with you. You just can’t.
I wanna just thank those people who helped me cope during this time, and they know who they are. It was an awful load to carry, thanks for letting me share the load.
I know what you mean about the atmosphere in a room where the deceased is bathed. It’s almost surreal.
You know, people always say that life is too short to bear grudges and it always sounds like hogwash…sounds like something thats not applicable to you.
But over the past 2 years, I’ve come to see this as a true statement. In fact, I’ve come to see just how short life really is, and how insignificant most things are in the grander scheme of things.
Death has the ability to awaken our true purpose. Hope you’re feeling better.
I don’t know about the self imposed exile. I have done that selectively. But I am sorry for your loss. but I think helping with the ghusl actually helps the mourning process. you performing his last rites sort of. It’s an honour and a fear that getting him ready is in your hands.
sterkte boeta!